The White Haired Woman’s View of the World Today – August 14, 2017

img_2039

I’ve been following the terrible news from Charlottesville for a couple of days; I’ve been seeing it on tv, on Twitter, on Facebook, in the newspapers; I’ve been looking at websites I would never have even realised existed; I’ve even followed a page on Twitter that I couldn’t have envisaged myself doing, even yesterday!

What has happened to people? Where did well-fed, reasonably educated people – particularly young, white males – get the idea that they ‘own’ entire countries and should be allowed to rid those countries of anyone they consider to be useless, inferior, wrong?

There are people in America (and other countries) who have been treated badly for so long by majorities that they have genuine grievances yet do not carry semi-automatic weapons to supposedly peaceful demonstrations. There are people who are poor through very little fault of their own, yet would give you the shirt off their back if they thought you needed it more than they.

I am lucky enough to have been born in America during the second world war and I have never lived in a war-zone. I have always been a peace-loving human being who carries a grudge for about five minutes before being friends again (except once and that person would NEVER have been a friend even if he hadn’t tried to ruin our lives and those of other friends). I try always to be truthful (otherwise why would I bother to tell you about my one long-held grudge?) and have always been careful not to hurt others by being cruel or thoughtless – although I haven’t always succeeded in that. I’m a coward when it comes to pain, fearful of things other people do quite naturally, and am wondering whether I have the balls to actually (yes, I know, that’s a split infinitive,) publish this.

Where did this so-called Christian right come from, who are keen for women to give birth to children they can’t look after; who believe that a book written several hundred years after the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, is necessarily historical and that the older book is full of ‘truth’ and that, therefore, it is okay to pollute, to slaughter wild animals for ‘fun’, to enslave people, to laugh at the climate change which may bring devastation to this planet sooner rather than later and to give people the idea that any one man can save them from the ‘antichrist’?

The outcome of everything that has been happening over the past year and more is that I have become a “leftie” if being so is to care for one’s fellow beings, to cry when bad things happen to others, to feel compassion for those trying to escape horrific wars, to believe that it is right and fair that all people should earn a decent wage for a decent job done, that people should have good health-care, a good education, the right to live in pleasant surroundings and not be subjected to abuse because of the colour of their skin, the country they have come from, the religion they follow, the sexual orientation they have, that women and men of all colours and ethnicities should expect equality and freedom from persecution. (Mind you, these are all things I have believed my entire life!) 

I would like to say to Trump, his cronies, the majority of the Republican party, the fascists and haters and those who would cause harm, there are more of us than there are of you. It may take time but ‘we’ WILL win!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Perseid showers! 

In August, 1982 my future husband, my eighteen year old daughter and I sat outside my mother’s house watching the sky hoping to see some shooting stars. I knew that every year around the beginning to middle of August, the Perseid meteor shower would appear. In the end, between us, we may have seen two. It got so cold that we had to retreat into the tiny cottage we were all sharing with a lodger – which is a good story for another time.

Why do I mention this? Last night the sky was reasonably clear. It’s Folk Week here in Broadstairs and there was music all around – for some reason it wasn’t folk music I could hear but songs such as ‘I Will Survive’ and ‘Stayin’ Alive’. I sat in the big wooden chair which I can rest my head against and watched the sky. There were planes, some so high up they were just a moving dot of light; I saw stars which I thought were moving because of the way the light cloud moved; I saw the occasional late-night bird flying across the sky and, yes! I saw two (and possibly three) meteors flashing through the night sky before it became just a little too cold to sit there any longer. And, besides, the music had stopped!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

“Where did SHE come from?” says reader. Interesting question! (Or not) Part one

(I’m going to try not to mention any names that can be easily identified – some members of my family might not want you to know they’re related to me!)

My mother and father were both ‘beautiful young things’ back in the late thirties. She – from a well-off family – who had spent much of her young life in the sleepy Ohio town of Zanesville with a governess and the rest in Los Angeles and at boarding school near Pebble Beach; he who was the very good-looking son of a quite famous writer.

The story is that the two spotted each other at some sort of evening function and each knew that the other was the one. They married in October, 1941 and went back to Zanesville where they produced me in April, 1943 and my sister, Judy, in November, 1944.IMG_2264

(mother and father with me on left and baby Judy on right)

Life for the two of them must have been difficult. My mother had to learn housekeeping from scratch and, as with most new mothers, babycare,  and to have a toddler of eighteen months and a new baby would have been a terrible strain. I’m not certain when things fell apart but they divorced some time before the middle of 1947 – possibly as early as 1946. Mom married Bill who was a returning ‘seabee’ in 1947 and Dad went back to California and married a young woman from Michigan. My sister Jennifer was born to my mother and her new husband in April, 1948 on my fifth birthday (see my earlier post) and my brother, Lindsay, was born in Ocober 1947 to my father and his new wife. (Dad went on to have another three, giving me six siblings/half siblings altogether.)

My childhood was rather bohemian in many respects. We moved to Cincinnati so that my mother and Bill could study at the university there. We went to the local elementary (primary) school and enjoyed living in a ranch-style house surrounded on three sides by trees and quite high above the road which went past – so high up, in fact, that we had to go up and down around fifty stone steps let into the earth. The mailbox was half-way down the steps. It was one of those typical American mailboxes with a flap that pulls down to open it and a flag to show if there’s something inside.

img_2245

(Candy, Judy and Jennie on the patio in Cincinnati c.1952)

In 1956 my mother decided to divorce Bill. We went to Reno on a great train ride, lived on a guest ranch where we met some weird and wonderful people, went to California for a few months then back to Zanesville and from there, eventually, ended up back at our house in Cincinnati. My mother finished her studies at university and officially became an architect at a time when women still didn’t have careers outside teaching, nursing and entertainment. She found there wasn’t going to be a job for her locally and decided that we should “see the world” and joined the US Navy as a civilian architect. Her first, and only, posting was London where we arrived in August, 1958.

I was fifteen years old when we left Ohio and had just finished my freshman year of high school. I hadn’t really started dating, yet, nor was I the cheerleader-type. My school was a mixed high school (and rather like a grammar school for those of you who are English and reading this) which started all pupils on latin in year seven but as I didn’t start there till year nine I didn’t have to go to latin classes – though I wish I had! We went to school and back by school bus. My memory of those journeys is completely non-existent! The only thing I do remember is sitting on the bus waiting for it to leave school and a boy came along and knocked on the window next to me to get my attention. There must have been a fault in the glass because the whole  window broke into tiny pieces and fell on my face and head. I seem to remember a tiny cut on one cheek but I survived unhurt, otherwise.

img_2243

(Our best friends in Zanesville. I’m at the bottom, then Judy, Barry, Billy and Dave)

In August, 1958, we packed up everything we would need for a home in London and took all the rest and stored it in my grandmother’s cellar – books, toys and clothes. Anything we might need on arrival went into suitcases to go with us and furniture, other clothes, the Encyclopaedia Britannica Jr, and our brand new and completely beautiful refrigerator went into a big crate to be delivered to England by sea. The Navy gave us a booklet describing what England would be like in autumn – probably cold and damp – so, we made sure that we took all our warmest clothes.

We left Zanesville by train to New York on the 28th of August, stayed one night in New York and flew from New Jersey on the 29th arriving on the 30th. We landed somewhere in the north of England, possibly Liverpool. The flight was so scary that I  vowed never to go on another plane! The plane itself was propellor driven and had been used earlier in its existence as a troop transport plane. There were cabin staff whose job seemed to be to hand out a shoebox full of sandwich, drink, and chewing gum to each passenger (mostly family of USAF officers). We landed that night for refuelling at Gander Airport in Newfoundland and took off again about an hour later. It was after midnight when we were all settling down. Suddenly the lights were turned up and the stewardess began to describe how to put on our life jackets, where the shark repellant would be found, when to blow a whistle – and, I swear, she said this was for ‘when we go down’!  (A regular passenger on this flight told us later that she had never experienced this before.) That was enough to put me off flying for life!

We went to London by train and were met at, I think, Paddington Station by a man named either Garfinkle or Garfunkle who had been given that task by someone in the Navy. He took us to a boarding house in Sussex Gardens, Paddington. The landlady was a Mrs Angus who had been married (perhaps) to a Norwegian sailor though why her name was Angus, I’m not sure.

It was really only shortly after the war, there were still huge bomb sites in London, soft toilet paper had not yet reached the shops, and there was almost no refrigeration in private homes – or in boarding houses! The milk for breakfast during the six weeks we lived there was always slightly curdled – only slightly, but still curdled. The weather, instead if being cold and wet, was warm and muggy and we were wearing woollens and heavy tights (unknown as yet in England). We lived in one large room on the second floor (first floor, if you’re English) at the front, facing the street. The bathroom and toilet were separate and not en suite – we shared with totally unseen fellow roomers. The loo was in a little tiny room with a window above the toilet. This window looked out into what was, essentially, a light-well and there were two or three other similar little windows also looking out, their walls all joined together several storeys above the ground. My sister, Judy, complete daredevil that she was, climbed up on the toilet seat one day, slithered out the tiny window, clutched window sills and found something for foot holds and did a complete tour of the well. Luckily, our mother never found out – if she had, she probably would have had a heart attack then would have sent Judy back to America to live with Daddy!

 

IMG_2238

(Photo of Westbourne Grove in around 1958. This road was at the farther end of Queensway where you will find us living in Part two.)                                              –                           (Attribution, Ben Brooksbank)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

A quick mention of the book I’ve just finished

Normally, as I’ve said in one of my blogs, I read mysteries and thrillers but, once in a while I read ‘real’ literature.

A few moments ago I finished reading Patrick Gale’s Notes from an Exhibition which was first published in 2007. I really enjoyed getting to know the characters in the novel and was moved to tears more than once. It’s the story of a woman artist who is bi-polar and her family. I won’t go into details but I just thought I would recommend it!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Confession: I was a push-fit, colour-cut, wooden jigsaw virgin!

What a thing to confess! I don’t remember my first time. It would have been after 2004, I imagine, so I would have been about 61 or thereabouts. I had been an antiques and collectables dealer for some years and had been to an auction somewhere in the south-east of England to see what I thought might amuse my customers – something they would buy at a slight profit to me, so that we could eat occasionally!

Whether it was Lewes or Ardingly, Maidstone or Rochester completely escapes me now but I spotted one or more large jigsaw puzzles already made up, backed by a piece of card and covered in cellophane. I thought that maybe someone might want to buy one or two and that they would look good in the shop. I spotted some more, still in their boxes and bought those as well.

The already made-up ones stayed in a pile in the store room but I took the boxed ones up to our flat, opened one and poured the pieces on to a large piece of green felt which was left over from one of my husband’s upholstery sessions. I thought, “There aren’t many pieces, this should be fun and easy!” then I looked at the pieces more carefully. There were no tabs and holes as there had been in all the jigsaws I had ever done before (not all that many and always cardboard). How in the world do I start? (Below are a few pieces from a non-interlocking jigsaw which I haven’t done yet.)

img_2228-1

Well, I thought, do the edges first – except there were a lot more pieces with straight edges than would be necessary for the ‘frame’! What to do? Of course! Because the pieces are wooden, there is a grain which can (usually) be seen – if the grain isn’t straight, it’s not likely to be an edge piece. And so, I started. That first one wasn’t too bad, in fact. I used colour as a guide – blue sky next to blue sky, the sleeve of a black jacket next to the body of the same black jacket – and that worked well.

The next one wasn’t quite so easy, though. It was what I later learned was called ‘colour-cut‘ as well as ‘non-interlocking‘ (the official word for a jigsaw whose pieces don’t physically join up with tabs and holes). Colour-cut jigsaws eventually became my favourites but I really had to learn how to do them before I could love them! (In the picture below you can see that the right hand side of the grand-father clock has been colour-cut as have the woman’s dress, the mirror, the bannister etc.)

woman-and-baby

Possibly because of my aphantasia (see earlier blog), I can’t retain a picture in my head of the shape I just looked at in order to find the shape that will fit up against it. If a jigsaw is colour-cut, I can’t use colour as a clue. And, what I forgot to say, all the jigsaws I will mention came in boxes with no guide picture (and, unbelievably, often no maker’s name. The history of late nineteenth/early twentieth jigsaw puzzles is surprisingly interesting! If you want to know more, I could write a blog about it.)

Some years passed. We sold the shop, flat and workshop and retired to the seaside but took most of our left-over stock with us (and still have a cellar full of french polish, tack removers and mallets, and even a box of veneers, from when Julian also did furniture restoration). No one coming into our shop had bought the one made-up jigsaw I had displayed so it, and all the others, became my next project.

I started a web-shop called nostalgiagames.net from which I sold vintage and antique games, quite successfully and, even more successfully, the jigsaws. In fact I gave up the games, eventually, and only bought and sold the wonderful old jigsaws. I bought many, many jigsaws from all over the country, lots from auctions and quite a few from private individuals via Ebay or people who saw my advert and rang me. Each and every one had to be laid out, made-up and photographed before it could be offered for sale on my site so I had to find ways of managing to put the really difficult ones together (or leave them to Julian who is very good at the most difficult ones). But, Julian found several part-time jobs over the years and I needed to get the jigsaws done so, after lots of effort, I became quite good at it. Many an evening I was to be found poring over pieces of wood with little bits of paper stuck to them.

Looking back, my favourites could be divided into two groups – the ones which used old Pear’s Soap adverts and the ones which had been travel posters or showed wonderful things happening in foreign parts.  I will add one or two of the photos, as and when I find them on the memory stick over the coming months but here is one:

This jigsaw (which I sold a few years ago, now) has elements of interlocking, non-interlocking and colour cutting. It is from a painting of a gathering of many of the rulers of India in what was called a Durbar. (You can find out about Durbars on Google). I loved doing this jigsaw! It took a fair amount of time and has that bit at the top that sticks right above the rest of the edge to add to the difficulty. There are other jigsaws with no straight edges and some with only one or two. Even interlocking jigsaws sometimes are cut with few or no edges – several of the GWR train and ship jigsaws are like that.

I gave up buying and selling old wooden jigsaws about two years ago when they had become far more expensive than I could afford. Remember, when you buy a vintage jigsaw in a box you can’t stop to put it together before you pay and take it home. Many of the puzzles I bought were missing one, two or up to thirty pieces. I don’t mind if there are a couple missing; for me it doesn’t spoil a puzzle and my enjoyment of putting it together if it’s not all there but there are people who wouldn’t take on a puzzle they know isn’t complete. If you are one of those people, never buy one where the seller says it has the right number of pieces but they haven’t put it together. I bought one once on Ebay which was supposed, according to the box, to have  180 pieces and it had 180 pieces but they didn’t all come from the same jigsaw! In fact, thinking back, I think there were bits from about three or four.

Though I spent ten or more years studying jigsaws, finding out about the different types etc, there is still loads more to learn. If you are interested in finding out more, there is a good book called British Jigsaw Puzzles of the 20th Century by Tom Tyler and published by Richard Dennis. It is full of illustrations with quite a lot of interesting info about GWR puzzles as Tom worked for the makers, Chad Valley, at one time. There is also a very interesting book on early wooden jigsaws (from 1760 to 1890) called The English Jigsaw Puzzle by Linda Hannas and published by Wayland. Online there is a wonderful site called The Jigasaurus set up by David Shearer. It includes many makes of jigsaw and loads of info and illustrations plus how to join the Benevolent Confraternity of Disectologists (Dissectologists – it’s spelled both ways on Google.)

I’ve still got several jigsaws waiting for the winter when I won’t feel as though I’m wasting my time inside when I could be in the garden or at the beach. Having written about them today makes me want to start one now!

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Update on ‘Who is Cassell Rue’

You will see in the comments that my friend, Janet, who is a whiz at genealogy, has found one man named Cassell Rue participating in a wedding in 1962 in Ohio. This is likely to be the same guy I ‘knew’ as the location is near Cincinnati. But, there must be people out there who know if he went to Hughes High School or Walnut Hills High School! Was he an ‘intellectual’? Why did his name go first in the list of ‘boys’ that I thought of in that way? Here is a photo of that page in my Him Book.

Under the heading “Science Wizards” I name Eric Stromberg (don’t know who that is, either!); Bob Mc Mahon on whom I had a crush and with whom I corresponded from London until he seemed to disappear during the late 1960’s after he had joined the Marines; Todd, who had a crush on me and was probably quite a nice guy but not my type ( I was about 14/15 at the time); Julien, a Frenchman who was quite strange(!) and Roger who was my fiancé until I met the Tim who appears in ‘intellectuals’. If anyone knows Bob or Todd or Eric, leave a comment! I’m in touch with Roger, Nigel and Tim and I miss Paul who died some years ago.

img_2210-1

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Who is Cassell Rue?

When I was around twelve or thirteen someone gave me a slim red book with the title  MY HIM BOOK. The book had around fifty pages and in it I could mention all the boys I had met, those whom I fancied, those who were poetic, those who were musical, etc., etc.  I still have this priceless (!) treasure and I occasionally have a look at it. It is missing its hard cover, nowadays, but still contains all sorts of interesting memories via the names of those mysterious boys.

Being an American teen-aged girl in the 1950’s could have been quite exciting, though it was essentially innocent compared to today. As a twelve year old girl, of course, I didn’t yet ‘go out’ with boys but, what with tv and girls’ magazines and stories overheard from older girls, I had hopes that it wouldn’t be too long before I found my prince and lived happily ever after (what a lot of baloney!)  Despite being the product of divorced parents I still believed that it was true.

img_2214

Looking at the first page I see that I was living in La Quinta, California. My mother had recently taken us all on a cross-America train trip to Reno where ‘we’ had got ‘our’ divorce from my step-father, Bill. We arrived in Reno just at the beginning of the school year in 1956,  and spent the first semester at Huffacre Elementary School while living on the Whitney Guest Ranch just outside the “Biggest Little City in the World”. After Christmas 1957 we packed up all our possessions, including all our presents, and drove to Palm Springs where my mother’s father, Fred, lived with his second wife, Mary and their youngest daughter, Sandy. It was a great place to live but mother and Mary didn’t really get on too well so, after the first month or so, we moved to a rented house in La Quinta. This period of several months is a story for another blog!

We went back to Zanesville, Ohio around May of 1957 where we stayed with our Grandmother then, eventually –  and via Columbus, Ohio – we went home to Cincinnati. In Cincinnati I went to Hughes High School (quite close to the University) for a year before I moved on to Walnut Hills where I spent my freshman year.

Why am I telling you in such detail?

Well, a couple of months ago I was looking in the little book to see if I had remembered my Cincinnati phone number right (I hadn’t) and I started looking through, reminiscing about my last few months in America and the months and years following my arrival in England. On page 39 the heading is Brilliant Hims, the first sub-heading is Science Wizards and the second is Intellectuals. Under this heading the first name is Cassell Rue. Now, I recognised almost every one of the names in the book but this name did not and has not rung any bells at all! I sat for a fair amount of time wondering, first, if it was really a name and second, where or when I had met/seen this person. Why is he under the heading of Intellectuals along with my friends Nigel, Paul and Tim? I looked up the name on Google and did find someone of that name and approximately the right age living in Florida but, possibly, with some connection to Ohio.

Perhaps, if you know Cassell Rue and where he went to school, you could put me out of my – I won’t say misery! – lack of knowing, I suppose is what it is. It would just be nice to know why I would have written the name of someone who meant, essentially, so little to me that I don’t even remember knowing them!

(The photo which I used above is of  my sister, Judy and me, possibly taken in 1954. I was the family photographer(!) so there aren’t many photos of us three girls together. I am the oldest, Judy was next and Jennie came last, precisely five years to the day after I was born – “the best birthday present I could have wanted”, I said. Judy said, ” Her name is Jennifer and I don’t like her,”  but she grew up to love her. Jennie and I are the only two left now as Judy died just before her 46th birthday. There are so many things I’d like to talk to her about – including, who is Cassell Rue? – but it’s too late. I miss you, Judy.)

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

A quick update on tinnitus

This afternoon the phone rang, I answered. It was for me from a jolly fellow who wanted to help me get back my PPI. His mate had rung yesterday and I had told him that I had never had PPI and he had been very pleasant, apologised and hung up but this guy was determined that I MUST have had it! I may have raised my voice after he kept going on about it though I didn’t shout – then he shouted at me. When I hung up on him (best thing to do!) I felt that I had gone a bit more deaf in my right ear.😳

Several hours later and I’m just finishing my dinner while watching Corrie. The commercials come on and suddenly I realise that there’s no noise! After a minute or two more I realise that the tinnitus has gone! Sitting here now, I think I can hear a little sssssshhhhhhhsshhhhhing in that ear but I’m enjoying the loud noise being gone – if it’s only for an hour. After eight or nine years, the silence is truly golden!😄

(The next morning – it’s back😰 but I DID enjoy a few hours of peace!)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 2 Comments

Where DOES the time go? Twitter!

I said to Julian (husband) this morning, “There just isn’t enough time to do all the stuff I need to do.” [weeding, housework, blogging, clearing out my old stock room so it can be used for stacking his and my paintings, painting, catching up with tv programmes I MUST see, finishing several books etc] Then, I rushed back to my iPad to see what is going on in America, vis á vis Trump, Russia, Korea et al via Twitter.

A few weeks ago I had a look at the ‘proportion of battery used by each app’ on my iPad. Half of all my use that day had been on Twitter. Now I am more often than not to be found surfing on my iPad – emails, blogging, the News, occasionally Facebook, Youtube, Viber, taking photos and looking at them – and Twitter – so that half of that time was probably something like three or four hours! What a disgraceful use of the few years I might have left and yet…….I have become addicted!

It all started when two things happened almost simultaneously, the looming of the American presidential election and my getting fed up with Facebook because there wasn’t enough serious news about the election on it. This last couple of years is the first time I have been political in my life, really,  and who can blame me? Of course I’ve thought about policies and ideas and worried about what was happening in the world but I didn’t really get worked up about these things, just quietly worried.

What changed? Until 2015 I had never come across Trump except for his name which meant nothing to me beyond ‘a rich guy in America’ but his name and some of the things he was saying started coming up again and again in the news or on Facebook and I listened to what he was saying and was appalled. I wanted to do my bit to stop him becoming president but I had left the US before I was sixteen and hadn’t bothered to register at the Embassy so that I could vote when I was old enough. (Also, I have never become British and have never voted here, either and I was beginning to wish that I could. Brexit had raised its (ugly) head and I didn’t have a say). I decided that, perhaps, I should try to register to vote in the upcoming American election.

Using my favourite method, I looked up on the internet about expats signing up to vote, wrote to the person in charge of Ohio voting (I had last lived in Cincinnati), filled in forms and was then told several weeks later that I couldn’t vote because I don’t have a Social Security number (or, if I do, I’ve never been told it and haven’t a clue how to find out what it is.)

Maybe my not being able to vote in the primary for Bernie, which is what I wanted to do, is responsible for the even greater desire to become involved in some way but it wasn’t until the candidates had been chosen and the campaign was on its way that I started spending lots of time on Twitter as well as avidly watching the news via Apple News, becoming at first certain that Hillary would win then suddenly not so sure but still hopeful. Then the worst possible thing happened and I, along with many, many others was in shock!

You turn to your friends at times like this but none of my British friends was really that interested and, I knew from Facebook, that some of my relatives were actually in favour of Trump! Twitter became my main friendship group. I’ve found many tweeters whose thoughts on this administration are very similar to mine; I’ve glanced at and rejected others who seem to be overjoyed about the outcome of the election; I’ve read many interesting articles and have been awed at the things people can do in their research into all the goings-on of people who in many ways seem to control the way things will be in the future and I have had the opportunity to put forward my ideas (in 140 characters or fewer).

But, I’ve also wasted so much time when I could have been doing all the things I listed in the first paragraph but didn’t – and here am I, spending time telling you about my tweeting and not eating lunch, going to sign up for exercise classes or tidying the kitchen!

By the way, my Twitter handle(!) is nosgames, just in case you want to join me there for a natter.

UPDATE – 28 MAY, 2026

It’s a fair time since I wrote the above. Trump’s first term finished with a bang, we had some sanity for the next four years though Covid got in the way, and then – somehow, the old orange man was voted back in and boy did he show his true colours very swiftly! All those new things he signed executive orders for, DOGE and Elon, Pam, the Puppy Killer, Kash Patel, that woman who ran for president as a Democrat but, somehow became MAGA and who has just resigned and the thousand and one other un-named or unmentionable people doing Trump’s bidding (and the far-right’s bidding, too). Sending military to kill fishermen and sending innocent people to that terrible prison in El Salvador, sending untrained guys with weapons to search out perfectly innocent men, women and children and dragging them out of their homes or cars or shops or car parks so the ICE agents meet their quotas – it’s all so horrible – and then the killing of innocent Renée Good and Alex Pretti and slandering them. It all made me sad and furious and so, so glad I live in England, even though there are some very strange people trying to carry out Drumpf’s policies here.

I’ve not touched on ALL the things that have happened in the US that have enraged me (and most of the rest of the world!) and haven’t got the time or patience to do so, but I just wanted to let you know that I no longer spend any time on Twitter or rather X. I still spend too many hours on my iPad but no longer on ‘social media’. I glance at various short videos from time to time but not regularly. Also, I loved Stephen Colbert and am not pleased that he was kicked out of his slot, though it pleased me to read that the far right comedy man who is now in that slot, hasn’t drawn the huge audiences that Colbert did! Glad that Americans are showing they aren’t going to be gas-lit by Orangeman and are not just going to let it happen. I have loved seeing huge the NO KINGS crowds and the smaller number of cult members going to the rallies. I guess there is a certain number who just can’t see what a mad-man they voted for and how he has been playing them – they LUV him! (God alone knows why!)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Who else has Aphantasia? Probably not you!

I was standing in the field which surrounded the school I was working in with two of the fifteen year old girls I had been teaching. I think I had asked them to remember my earlier instructions or some such thing and said something like, “Listen to the words in your head!” They both looked at me as if I were daft.

Several years later I was at a meeting and the group was asked to ‘meditate’ by visualising a flower. I dutifully closed my eyes and tried to visualise a flower but all I could ‘see’ was black with a bit or orangey light floating around behind my eyelids. I tried hard but had to give up and pretend.😳

Another few years went by. I was at a party with a group of friends, just sitting around and chatting, when one of them said something that made me realise that she could actually ‘see’ pictures when she closed her eyes and thought about things. Other people talked about the pictures in their heads and I suddenly realised that I was the odd one out.

I spoke up and told the group that I don’t have pictures in my head when I think; rather I have ‘words’. Immediately one of my friends said, “What, words float by behind your eyes?” They all found it as difficult to understand that I couldn’t see pictures as I found it difficult to understand that they could. We spent the rest of the evening wondering at each others’ thought processes and it made me think about why I should be so different – even alone – in thinking the way that I do.

So much of my life started to make sense! My sister, Judy, spent much of her primary school years ‘day-dreaming’, for which she got into terrible trouble at school and she was even held back a year because they thought she was stupid. She wasn’t. She was exceedingly bright and found school exceedingly boring so imagined an on-going story in her head. When she told me about this day-dream I thought I’d have a go but I found that I was telling myself a story, not seeing it in my head like a tv show and, what was worse, I had to start it at the beginning if I wanted to continue the next day. Obviously, I was doing something wrong!

After I realised I had this inability to visualise I made it a point to ask everyone I met if they ‘saw’ things when they closed their eyes. Almost always they would look at me as if I were mad then say that of course they did! Didn’t I? When I replied in the negative many people were unable to grasp what I meant. One young woman was adamant that I must be able to see things if I could remember and recognise things and was astonished to hear that I have quite a good memory  and can recognise, for example, an elephant each time I see one or remember which of the many colours, ‘blue’ is even though I can’t visualise it. Also, and this surprises me, I am quite a good speller but only know a difficult word is correct if I see it.

When I am reading a novel I am most annoyed when there is lots of description as it means little to me. It’s okay if the author says that the hero’s eyes are blue and hair is  black but if she starts describing in minute detail the building he walks into, the people he passes, the noise of the lift, the office furniture, the fabric on the chairs, I don’t see (or hear) those things in my mind’s eye – if there is a reason to remember any of those things I am out of luck. I suppose that people without aphantasia can see those things and remember them via some sort of picture in their head but I would have to remember all the words – and I really want to get on with the story. Maybe this is why I have difficulty remembering which names go with which faces, at least until I know people more than just casually.

Think of a phone call you’ve got to make or a meeting you have arranged with an old friend. You will probably be able to picture what you imagine is going to occur during that call or meeting in some detail, rather like watching a programme on tv. I can’t do that! What I do is, I think the words – it’s like talking to myself. I imagine whole conversations, word for word as well as setting the scene. I say the dialogue for both of us – or all twelve – although remembering who said which words then becomes very difficult. I don’t have a video in my head recording it all!  I think of the words that will be said and I ‘say’ them in my head; if I go over it, the words are different though, usually, the meaning remains the same. This is what I’m doing now, as I’m writing this.

How do I find my way? If I don’t see things behind my shut eyes, how can I tell you how to get to my house from yours? I don’t know! I am sitting here at this moment trying to describe, in my head, the way to get to the nearest beach. I find myself ‘almost’ having a picture but I think it’s more like a physical memory of which roads to go down, where to turn, where it’s safe to cross the road. It is definitely a memory rather than something I ‘see’.

I don’t think that aphantasia is from some sort of brain injury or disease; it doesn’t severely curtail your enjoyment of life or have an impact on the subjects you study or the grades you get on exams but it might be important to remember that not everyone ‘thinks’ in the same way when it comes down to the way children are taught.

Before you pity me completely (assuming you don’t have aphantasia), I do dream in pictures! I love my dreams, normally. They don’t make a lot of sense, they don’t look like a Salvador Dali painting but they are usually fun, sometimes exciting! I don’t normally remember them when I wake up but I remember the essence of them – whether they were fun, full of adventure or – and this is a typical woman’s dream, I think – whether I needed to find a place to pee that was not in front of all and sundry!

Two things before I finish. First, there are probably other ways people ‘think’. One person told me he thought ‘in music’, another that she sees her thoughts in terms of film. I can’t begin to guess what either of those means. Second, I found a very interesting account of aphantasia on Google the other day while I was looking up how to spell it! It’s by a fellow sufferer, Blake Ross, who is a ‘real’ writer and whose story is fascinating so, if you are interested, go take a look!

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 4 Comments