Cats (and Tortoises) I have Known

Until I was in my 60’s I almost always had at least one cat. When we lived in Queensway we had one whose name I think was Madam. She had to be an indoor cat as we lived on the 6th floor of a block of flats. It was she who helped the family dispose of our Christmas tree one year when, while we were all out, she somehow denuded it making it very easy to carry out of the flat without leaving a long trail of sharp green needles. When I was pregnant she appeared to be pregnant as well although, for her, it was an impossibility as she hadn’t had access to any male cats. We thought it was a phantom pregnancy – and maybe it was – but it was also because she had some terrible female problem which, in the end, killed her. It was a very sad lesson to us that female cats should always be spayed if they aren’t to be allowed to have kittens!

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(Above is the block of flats we lived in, with our flat marked in red (not very well!)

When we moved to Chiswick Veronica was around two and a half and was very keen to have a kitten. We were given a little cat which we called Daisy. She was mostly white with little patches of tan and she did not make Veronica happy as, when the two first met, Daisy scratched Veronica on the ankle signalling, I think, that she didn’t want to be bothered by a small child. A few years later Daisy was joined by a mother cat and five kittens.

I was sitting on the little garden space we had on the roof of the shoe shop we lived above when a pregnant cat jumped off a ledge, settled at my feet and produced a little black kitten and then  proceeded to give birth to four more kittens over the next hour or two. We moved them all inside as it had started to rain and we made them a home in the box room at the top of the flat where they lived for a few  weeks. The mama cat – whom we called Mama – went out one evening when the kittens were about six weeks old and was run over which made us all very unhappy. Luckily, the kittens had been weaned by then. We had a friend who was looking for a kitten and she chose ‘Dudley’. A neighbour wanted a kitten so she had ‘Frankenstein’ and this left us with ‘Orpheus’ (the black kitten), ‘Winnie’ (named by my sister after Winston Churchill), ‘Poppy’ and Daisy who was not at all happy about sharing her home with other cats. (Somewhere I have a few photos of the above mentioned cats but I can’t lay my hands on them at the moment. When I do, I’ll add a short blog with their photos and maybe a few more of the others.)

At around this time I started going out with a vet which was very lucky as one by one the kittens and Daisy succumbed to horrible illnesses leaving us with Orpheus who came with us to Ravenscourt Park, West Malling and East Malling after Julian and I got together. Orpheus was a special cat. He tried to talk to me occasionally, not with words or meows but with facial movements. He would sit near me and wait until I was looking at him then would open his mouth and stick his tongue out as though he were going to lick then move his head to the side. After he had done this a few times I realised that he was telling me he was hungry. He went on doing that strange movement for years. Another thing he did was ‘fetch’. If I rolled an olive across the floor, he would run after it, pick it up and bring it back to me. (Don’t ask why I would roll an olive on the floor!) He did the same with wrapped sweets.

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Orpheus when he was quite old

Once, when Judy, Veronica and I were living in digs and Orpheus was living with us, he went out into the back garden. The house we lived in was one in a circular terrace of houses and there were probably twenty or thirty (or even more) houses in this circle. None of the back gardens had access to the roads in front of the houses except by going into a house from the back and out the front door. Orpheus didn’t come back though I called and called. For two days he didn’t come back and I started to really worry about him. I went down the street and round the terrace calling, ‘Orphy, Orphy’, but no luck. Then, just as I had given up hope of ever seeing him again, and was making one last tour of the roads, I called again ‘Orphy’and he came running out from under a parked car and jumped up into my arms! We had a little celebration that evening because our lovely Orpheus was home again.

We moved back to West Malling after our year of living in digs, taking Orpheus, Moosh  and Tiggy (both of whom we had acquired along the way)  with us. First Tiggy, then Moosh some years later, were lost to speeding cars but we were not to be a one cat family for long. We had a friend, Georgia,  who lived in West Malling but worked in London and who was a sucker for stray cats. On her walk from the tube station to work one day she spotted a little cat who was very obviously pregnant and adopted her, bringing her home and making her comfortable until her kittens were born. She invited us to see the kittens and we fell in love with two of them, Piggy and Tiggy II. Not content with making us a three-cat family, Georgia decided to give Veronica her very own kitten and bought a pedigree Burmese for her. The breeder seems to have been rather careless, though, first by selling a kitten who hadn’t yet been completely weaned and then by never forwarding the paperwork proving the pedigree. We didn’t care if Dizzy was pedigree or not! He was gorgeous and so loving.

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Dizzy (sorry, it’s a little blurry!)

When he came to live with us, Dizzy was small enough to sit on my hand (which isn’t a particularly big hand). He decided that I was his mother and that my earlobe was a teat! If he wanted comforting he would climb up me and start to suckle on my earlobe. It was really sweet for the first few months because he didn’t have very sharp teeth but later it became quite painful and I had to discourage him. He carried on trying for about five years but, eventually forgot what my earlobe was for. Several years after Julian and I set up home together, Veronica went off to uni and I suffered from ’empty-nest syndrome’. In some ways Dizzy became my surrogate child. I didn’t dress him up and push him around in a pram or anything stupid like that but I did probably treat him as a child rather than a pet. Of course, the inevitable happened to all four of the cats who went to East Malling with us. First Orpheus (who was about 20 by that time) died, then Piggy and Tiggy and finally my Dizbo left us.

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Mitzi

We still weren’t entirely cat-free, however, as Mitzi, a stray abyssinian mix took up residence under our shed and, in the coldest months, came into the house and allowed us to feed and pet her. When we moved from East Malling to Wateringbury we left Mitzi with Sue and Keith, our next door neighbours as she still liked living under the shed in the warmer months. We also left Tortnaytootinalumbine with them as Keith was very fond of reptiles and we were frightened that our new garden would not be safe for her (it was huge with ponds and many places for her to hibernate and never be found).

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Dizzy with Tort on the left and Chronos on the right.

Tort, as we called her because her real name was far too long to keep saying, was a lovely tortoise which I had bought at a garden centre the year before the sale of tortoises was banned. The first couple of years we were careful to hibernate her, following all the rules but later we left it to her. We had a wood-burning stove which was our central heating boiler as well and when winter came she (Tort) would usually disappear behind the wood-burner until March. Occasionally she would make an appearance around Christmas, maybe to munch on a bit of lettuce or cucumber, then would disappear again until spring. About two years before we moved a friend gave us another tortoise called Chronos who laid several eggs in the middle of the lounge one New Year’s Day and promptly died. Of course the eggs were not fertile, but just in case, I incubated them for a few months.

During our time in Wateringbury we didn’t have a cat of our own although we were visited by two black cats which we named Belle and No-Belle – they were both pretty, both girls and both wore collars, one with a bell and the other without. Then one cold, wet evening along came Sandy who was a ginger-ish cat who had been in a fight and was bleeding. Julian brought him in and we took him to a vet who cleared up his injuries. When he was well we tried to persuade him to go home but he had decided that we were his family so we kept him and, when we moved to West Malling, took him with us.

He was a sweet old cat who just wanted to lie around and not go outside which was lucky as we lived in a busy high street. Only once did Sandy get out of the premises without our knowledge. Our building was on the High Street, as I said, but it backed onto a small lane separated from our yard by a high brick wall with a wooden door in it. At some point during the day Sandy must have walked out into the yard and gone out the door when someone had opened it to throw rubbish in the bins which were outside the brick wall. When I went up to our flat (from the antique shop which was on the ground floor) I called Sandy but he was nowhere to be found. I rushed back down in case he was locked in the shop or workshop then opened the door into the lane and, there he was, sitting and waiting patiently for me to come find him!

After Sandy we had another old cat called Ozzie. He had belonged to Sue and Keith but they needed to find him a home and, as he was old and liked being indoors, they offered him to us. He was a very handsome fellow and we had him for a year or two.

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Ozzie, our last cat (until the next one?)

After Ozzie came a lull. We retired, moved to the seaside and got a dog, Rosie about whom I will write another time.

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A reminder…

….that I exist! I’ve been trying to write more about Patty but it isn’t coming easily so I might have to postpone “Patty 3” and write something else! (Sorry!)


Soon, I hope x

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Who are you?

Hi. Just a quickie. Every day I look to see how many people have looked at my blog posts. Today I can see that five of my posts have been read or, rather, two people have read my second blog about Patty, one has read about my sciatica and two have read Home page/archives, which I assume means they could have read any or all of my earlier posts.

Being an enormously curious person, I would love to know who has had a look at what I have to say. I know of one person who has read yesterday’s post (my daughter, ‘Veronica’). If you read this and have the time, perhaps you could just write a word or two in the comments section so I know. You’d make an old lady very happy!

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Patty, the white haired woman’s white haired mother, Part 2

We arrived in London in 1958. Within a year or so of our arrival, Patty decided that the bags under her eyes were just too bad for a woman in her late thirties so she would have plastic surgery to remove what turned out to be little ‘sausages’ of fat, from around her eyes. She went into the London Clinic for the operation and took with her a neat little case which held her toiletries and other essentials. The case had been given to me as a going away present by a friend and had my initials – CCG – in ‘gold’ on the lid. [My mother had taken her maiden name of Grant when she divorced and, though my last name wasn’t Grant, we had all been using it as our last name to make life easier – three different last names were very confusing!] So, in the London Clinic, Patty was Mrs Grant. She was very surprised to see nurses popping in at all hours with big smiles on their faces for no apparent reason  until, after a couple of days she found out that all the nurses, seeing the initials on the case, assumed that she was Mrs Cary Grant and they were looking in to see if they could get a glimpse of Mr Grant. Needless to say, there were some very disappointed nurses at the clinic!

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The neat little case with initials CCG

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Patty after her ‘bags’ removed from her eyes.

Patty left the Navy in 1962, flailed around looking for work for the next twenty or so years, occasionally finding a settled job but becoming discontented after a few years and moving on to another job and another home.

In the meantime, the well-to-do families she was born into became much less well-to-do so that Patty, who had always thought she would be looked after financially, struggled. She found it impossible to save – if she had money, she spent it quite quickly. She was very generous with belongings – she gave away a whole set of lovely Japanese prints to an artist friend, pieces of furniture, clothes and, in the 1970’s, she gave away my daughter’s rocking horse which was just a plastic rocking horse but well-loved. ‘Veronica’ still hasn’t forgiven or forgotten!

Through good luck, in the early 1970’s, Patty was able to buy a house in the Ravenscourt Park area of London. It was a Victorian house which had been owned  by Hammersmith Council in the past and used as social housing but was past its best by 1971. Patty bought it with a 100% mortgage and was able to bring it back to its former glory. It was big and beautiful with four double bedrooms, a through lounge-diner, a neat little kitchen, a utility room, a box room and a bathroom. The garden left much to be desired but at least there WAS a garden.

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Flowers in the garden

Just when we seemed to have settled down, I was made redundant from my job as a secretary in a business in Acton. I had never forgotten that I wanted to be a teacher and had applied for a five year, part time, evening, teacher training course for which I had been accepted and was going to start in that September. Having been made redundant, I looked at the nearby Thomas Huxley Teacher Training College to see if I  could achieve my dream more quickly by doing the three year, full-time course that they  offered. This meant that my (really rather meagre) salary was no longer available to go into the family’s coffers and Patty decided we couldn’t afford to stay in the house any longer. She found a tiny and very old cottage in West Malling, Kent which, upon selling the big house, she could buy and move into. So, my sister and I and my daughter found ‘digs’ in London during term time. (Another story for another time.) After the first year in ‘digs’ we moved to West Malling and commuted to London when necessary.

Before her second marriage Patty had been an antique dealer in a small way, driving around the country lanes of Muskingum county, visiting farm houses and buying their unwanted items. One time she and two friends had been searching for antiques when they were in a terrible car crash. Patty came through unscathed, her two friends were injured but, fortunately, not fatally, but the drunken man who was driving with his mistress on the wrong side of the road, was killed. Apparently, the man was being pursued by his wife in another car and when she arrived on the scene, she blamed my mother for his death, presumably overlooking the fact that he was speeding away from her and had been drinking.

Patty had a great eye for decorative items and her home was filled with gorgeous old country pieces until she discovered modern furniture in the early fifties. I went to school one day, leaving the house full of things like an old wooden cobbler’s bench used as a coffee table, and came home from school to Charles Eames chairs, storage units and tables!  Years later, in West Malling, Patty once again took up antiques and opened the downstairs of the house, which was on the High Street, as a shop for a couple of years. The problem with this was that she no longer drove and I had to become her chauffeur. I had no interest in the business at all, being busy with learning to be a teacher. I remember driving Patty to several antique shops around the area where she picked up a bargain or two then put them into the shop. Occasionally she would be offered some items privately on which she could actually make a slight profit but she was never a business woman and too often sold items at a loss rather than wait a little longer for the right buyer.

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The tiny, very old house Patty bought in West Malling and which was the antique shop for a couple of years.

I finished teacher’s training college and was fortunate to find a teaching job in a small private school as the kindergarten teacher. I say fortunate because until that year there had been too many jobs for not enough teachers but in 1975 there were far more teachers than there were jobs! My teaching position was weird, to say the least, as I had trained to be a junior school teacher and was saddled with 3 and 4 year olds, some of whom couldn’t even do up their shoes yet. But, again, this is a story for another time.

Back to Patty. She worked as an interior designer for a large shoe company, then designed logos for various high street stores, helped out with the design of a new hospital in London, and then there didn’t seem to be any architect/design jobs for her so she became an ‘administrative assistant’. She commuted to London daily for a year or so but her heart really wasn’t in that kind of job and eventually she left that job and tried to find something a bit closer to home. I remember driving her into Maidstone for an interview at an architect’s office and when she came out she was certain that she would be offered the position – but she never heard from them. It must have been humiliating for her as she was then approaching sixty and was unable to find full-time work. She even went on the ‘dole’, which meant lining up outside the National Insurance office once a week and ‘signing on’ – (to my American readers -‘the dole’ was an unemployment benefit paid to those people who were seeking work but couldn’t find it and ‘signing on’ was to prove that those receiving the benefit weren’t actually working but had the time to stand outside the ‘dole office’ in a line until they could get to the head of the queue and sign a sheet saying they weren’t working). Patty stood in the queue for one week and after that refused to sign on or seek help which was rightfully hers but that she found very demeaning.

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Patty

Patty’s go-to cure for anything that upset her was alcohol. The society she was born into used drink for social occasions and for relaxation – despite Prohibition. Her mother and step-father were both probably alcoholics. Each bought and hid his/her alcohol of choice  from each other. If you wanted some Scotch you would find a bottle behind the curtain in the study where Bill, Ethel’s second husband, hid it or if you wanted Bourbon, it would be found behind the curtain in Ethel’s bedroom. There was also always a big bottle of ‘green medicine’ which turned out to be phenobarbital, a liquid anti-depressant to which my grandmother became addicted. My mother often had a swig of green medicine if she was nervous and she was nervous a lot! Rather luckily, I suppose, once we were in London, she couldn’t get hold of it so alcohol was the next best thing.

There were many weeks that went by that Patty didn’t drink to excess but, if something was going wrong, she would ‘fall off the wagon’ or, if there was a time for celebration, the alcohol would flow. One Christmas – years before we moved to West Malling – Patty and Judy slept on mattresses on the floor in the kitchen. (I think they thought we would be burgled for our Christmas presents. This idea really was beyond silly as we lived in a flat above a shop and the only way into the flat was via a set of fire-escape stairs to a flat roof on the back part of the shop and on to which our only external door opened into the kitchen.)

In order to sleep well on the floor and celebrating Christmas Eve, both Patty and Judy drank rather a lot of something alcoholic. Whatever it was, in the morning neither was feeling too well. I got the Christmas meal going while Judy and Patty went to bed. The turkey was cooking nicely in the oven, the veggies were ready to start and ‘Veronica’, Jennie and I were watching tv in the kitchen when the phone rang. The phone usually was in the kitchen but had been taken upstairs to my bedroom where Patty was sleeping so I ran up the stairs to answer it. When I opened the door I found that Patty’s bedding was on fire! She had fallen asleep with a cigarette which had fallen onto her duvet-covered chest and the smouldering mess had just reached the nighty she was wearing when I appeared. I tore the bed clothes off her, shouting at her to wake up – but she didn’t. She was obviously still under the influence of the alcohol and dead to the world. What luck that Walter, a family friend, had chosen that moment to ring and wish us a merry Christmas! Somehow, this near-miss didn’t stop Patty smoking in bed. It was something she did until she was ninety and went into a care home.

1981 was a year that started an enormous upheaval in all our lives.

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Next time I’ll write about Patty’s life from 1981 to 2014

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Sciatica! OMG!

Ouch!

Eight or nine years ago I had this ache in my left buttock which was not particularly bad but a bit bothersome and sometimes when I was walking it caused me a bit of pain. I had osteopathy, I had acupuncture and finally I had a bit of physiotherapy but I still had the pain so the doctor sent me for an MRI to see what was causing it. Somewhere in the lower part of my spine they found a narrowing which was pinching on a nerve. I was given amitriptyline which I took every evening and lo! the pain disappeared.

I took amitriptyline for the next five or six years but, when I found out that one of its side-effects is tinnitus, I gave it up. That was about eighteen months ago when I had had pneumonia and hadn’t taken the tablets for a while.

Last week the pain in my buttock came back but this time it was not just bothersome, it was/is excruciating. It starts just to the left of my spine, goes through my left ‘cheek’, across to my hip and down the outside of my leg and turns right at the shin, goes across to the inside of my leg and, sometimes, feels like it’s shooting sparks out through the muscle there but otherwise just shoots a very achy pain across. I spent several days doing exercises from the internet along with using a nifty little doohickey called “Paingone” which shoots little electric sparks into various points along the sciatic nerve. Although the pain went occasionally, it always came back with a vengeance so I made myself get up early and rang the doctor (if you want an appointment you MUST start ringing at eight in the morning.) 

I saw the doc, got a new prescription for amitriptyline and for two days in a row there was very little pain – but the nights were something else. 

It is now twenty-five past six on the morning following the second day. I went to bed about midnight, having had a nap earlier to try to catch up with some sleep. I may have slept for half an hour or so but I have been awake the rest of the night and the pain is getting worse. About half an hour ago I took two paracetamol and came downstairs for a coffee, thinking maybe if I moved about the pain would lessen – it hasn’t🙁. 

Someone described it as “toothache in your leg”; it’s that and so much more!😩 May you never have sciatica!

(Sorry for being self-indulgent in publishing this. I thought it might help me although it hasn’t yet. I’ll get back to my mother as soon as I can concentrate😣.)

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Oh, how annoying it is sometimes!

Earlier today I posted a blog about my mother but there was a big glitch with the photos so I removed it, reworked it and re-published it about two hours later. The new one is on the website  ( http://www.whitehairedwoman.com ) but, if you get it via email, you have some of the original which isn’t whole, in the right order etc etc. Please go to the website to see the finished version.

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Patty – The White Haired Woman’s White Haired Mother – Part One

As I believe I said in an earlier post, Patty was born into a well-to-do family in the early twenties of the twentieth century. How it became a well-to-do family is, at least partly, as a result of the American Dream.

My great-grandfather had the Dickensian name of Sam Weller. His father was a tollgate-keeper and Sam was one of several children.  Oral history has it that Sam and his half-blind donkey started by making clay flower pots. In reality, he opened a small pottery, making clay flower pots but whether there was really a half-blind donkey isn’t mentioned in the official files. After several years, he and his young bride, Minnie, moved to the ‘big city’ or, actually Zanesville, which was a nearby town of a reasonable size. Minnie, along with her sisters – all fine seamstresses – set up as dressmakers while Sam grew his pottery business. After just a few years, the Weller Pottery was big enough that Minnie no longer had to work. The pottery grew and prospered, branching out into decorative items as well as flower pots. Sam and Minnie’s family also grew. In 1896, Louise was born and two years later, Ethel – Patty’s mother – came along. The family lived in a wonderful house on Market Street which I remember with great fondness. In 1900 Sam was the first man in Zanesville to own and drive a car in the town.

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Great Grandmother Weller reading with daughters Louise and Ethel

My other great-grandparents were also well-to-do. Alexander Grant owned a large store in Zanesville. His second son, Frederic, went west to Puget Sound to seek his fortune in 1883. He must have visited Zanesville at least once after that because, in 1887 he married Bessie Hoge, daughter of one of the first telegraph operators in Zanesville and she returned to Seattle with him. At that time he worked as a journalist and was the editor of The Post Intelligencer in Seattle as well as becoming the president of the Seattle Street Railway Company and also going into politics, becoming the first US senator from the new state of Washington. Some time after leaving the Senate, he was made the minister to Bolivia (something like an ambassador, I assume) and lived in Bolivia with his wife for about a year but poor health meant he had to resign his post and the two went back to Seattle. There, he resumed his political life as well as the editorship of the newspaper. In 1894, Bessie stayed home because she was pregnant while Frederic went on a voyage on a sailing vessel, The Ivanhoe, hoping to build up his health. The Ivanhoe sank and Frederic II’s dad was lost at sea at the age of only thirty-two. Bessie and her baby son moved back to live near her family in Zanesville  after some time.

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Great grandmother Grant

My grandmother Ethel was a beautiful and intelligent young woman in the days when beauty in a woman was seen as something very desirable while intelligence, if not definitely frowned upon, was discouraged. She was educated at home, probably taught sewing, drawing, a little French, a smaller amount of latin, basic numbers and reading. She became partially deaf – perhaps through a childhood illness or, as was handed down via oral tradition, through standing too close to the booming sound of a ship’s horn when on a transatlantic voyage.

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Grandmother Ethel Weller

My grandfather, Frederic II, was a good-looking and intelligent young man. He went to Yale, became a Captain in the Balloon Corps during WWI and married Ethel in June, 1921.

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Grandpa Grant (Fred II) in Balloon Corps uniform

In November, 1922, Patricia Belle Grant was born.

Finally, I hear you sigh!

Patty was good-looking and intelligent, like her mother. She grew up surrounded by fine objects, beautiful clothes, and a governess. The governess, Miss Keller, according to Patty, was horrible. If Patty couldn’t eat because she felt sick, Miss Keller would force the food into her mouth and hold her lips closed until she swallowed. I’m not sure how long Miss Keller lived with Patty but she definitely caused some of Patty’s later anxieties.

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Patty as quite a young child

Patty went to the local elementary school, played and had adventures with the local children. One story I can remember occurred during prohibition when Patty and her friend, also named Patty, I think, went around looking through people’s windows for signs of ‘hooch’ making. In one cellar they spotted lots of empty glass bottles which they decided must have been collected to be filled with illicit alcohol. I think they rushed to tell their parents who did what parents normally do when their children come to them with outlandish stories – nothing.

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Patty as a teen-ager. I’m not sure whether she is in Ohio or California in this photo.

Fred and Ethel divorced sometime in the early thirties, after their son, Frederic III, was born. Patty stayed with her mother in Zanesville while she was at primary school but seems to have gone to live with her dad in Los Angeles and went to the Douglas girls’ boarding school where she studied and also learned to ride and play polo and learned to shoot a rifle. When she left the Douglas school she went to Smith College in Massachusetts but was only there for a year before she got married.

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Patty with my father on the left, my uncle and me as a baby.

My mother was very bright and should never have had children! She should have stayed at Smith, gone on to an academic life, started painting, perhaps, or writing. She never really knew what she should do with her life and, after two divorces and three daughters, decided she would come to England and work as an architect for the US Navy.

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Patty around 1956

( I wish I had bothered to sit and listen to my mother’s stories when I was younger but I had ‘stuff to do’ – as most young people have – and, by the time I would have appreciated and taken in the history of my mother, it was too late. From my thirties onward I began to feel a great antipathy towards her (with good reason!) which really lasted until she died when I was just entering my seventies, at which point it was too late anyway, as her memory was full of holes.)

Part two soon!

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Just a quickie! Before and After

(After I was seventeen and before I was seventy.)

I thought I’d add these two photos to your consciousness. The first is a painting by my sister, Jennie, who is an artist – as you can tell. The second is the white haired woman just before I went to the hairdressers and had most of the white hair chopped off.😃

Ready for the prom, painting by Jennie, my sister.

“] The white haired woman’s hair which will be on the floor of the hairdressers shortly![/caption]<

Don’t forget to give me a like or two, have a look at earlier photos and blog posts if you haven’t seen/read them before and sign up if you want to know about this American in the UK. Thanks!

Next post soon will be about my mother, Patty.<<<<<<<

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Some photos I should have published but only just found. An added extra!!

All these photos were taken when I was around 17. The two in the strapless, floaty dress were taken just before I went to the prom. The others were taken by a family friend, Dr. K. Hirsch.

Found this!

With the above ‘invitation’ to the Prom, I found a little note: “On Thursday, May 26, Mike Katz and I went to the Junior-Senior prom, the dinner was nice. I think I looked extremely good but my feet hurt. Mike liked Heidi at that time so danced with her mostly. Otherwise, I had fun.”

Why my feet hurt!

One thing about getting old, you can look back at yourself (via photos) and realise you weren’t at all unattractive! All during my childhood, and teen years I believed that I was ‘funny looking’.  I obviously wasn’t ‘pretty pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ but I think I wasn’t really too bad!

And, by the way, my hair in the prom photos was held in that strange position by at least one full tin of hairspray!

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“Where does SHE come from?”,   Part Four 

It was the ‘Swinging Sixties’, I was twenty years old. Looking back at myself, fifty four years later, I realise what a child I still was but, then, I thought I was a ‘grown-up’. I had just failed to get the qualifications for the teacher training college I wanted to go to, managed to get myself a job helping to teach in a London school in rather an underprivileged area (at the time), and thought that once I’d re-taken my exams, I’d be following my dreams.

Dancing with friends in Kensington Gardens! R-L, Shaun, Judy, Me, Nigel, and two I can’t recognise

I had wanted to be a teacher since I was seven when I had played a game with a group of children one summer day. In that game I was the teacher, standing at the front of the class with all the (5 or 6 children) listening to my every word and obeying my every command. (I seem  to remember we were outside and playing on a set of semi-circular concrete steps somewhere in Convers Avenue, Zanesville, Ohio. Despite the aphantasia I have this ‘not quite’ picture in my head!)

Not long after Christmas I went to my usual Saturday morning haunt, Henekeys in Portobello Road, and was introduced to Mike. He was dark haired, green eyed and charming. Within a few weeks we were seeing each other most days and, eventually, moved in together. We lived in a shared flat in Maida Vale. Shortly,  I realised I was the ‘bread winner’ and that much of what Mike had told me was untrue. But, by this time, I was pregnant.

Me? How could I be pregnant? I was a well-brought up girl and things like that didn’t happen to girls like me!

But they did and still do.

Remember, this was the 60’s and life in London was a lot freer than it was in many places but, even so, it was going to be hard. Abortion was still illegal and I refused to consider it,  not from a religious or even pro-life point of view but because I couldn’t bear the thought of it, from the moment I found out there was a baby inside me. My mother, who was very upset, had a very different point if view! She found a friend of a friend of a friend who had had an abortion and got a doctor’s name, made an appointment and took me there in a taxi. She went into the doctor’s office with me and told him what she thought should happen. He asked her to step outside while he examined me. I told him that I didn’t want an abortion and, a few moments later, he told my mother that it was too late to carry out a safe abortion.

Nowadays, it’s not really a big deal. There are many, many well-loved children born ‘out of wedlock’ every year but in those days often girls were sent to ‘unmarried mother homes’  where they would sit out the time when they  were obviously pregnant, have the baby taken from them at six weeks and then go home to get on with their lives as if nothing had happened. If a girl stayed at home all the neighbours would know about her ‘sin’ and (though not always) would make her feel like an outcast and the child would be labeled ‘bastard’. I decided to ‘front it out’. I bought myself a second hand ring in Portobello Rd and wore it when I was out and about. At the school I was working in I wore an overall which I hoped hid my baby bump and possibly was successful as no one ever mentioned it!

My sister Judy, me and ‘Veronica’ (before she was born!)

Mike and I saw each other once or twice after I moved back home but he never saw his daughter and, apart from once, never asked to see her.

My beautiful daughter, ’Veronica’, was born on the first of November and was welcomed by the whole family. She was healthy and happy, enchanting the friends, neighbours and nearby shopkeepers and bringing much joy into our lives.

Proud Candy with ‘Veronica’

As she grew up we realised how very bright she was and, when she won a scholarship to an Oxbridge college, no one was surprised. Today she is happily married with a beautiful and intelligent daughter of her own and I am the proudest mum in the world!

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In Part Five I’ll tell you a bit more about my mother.

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