I was sent to summer camp when I was nine or ten along with Judy, my sister, but we slept indoors. I was in a cabin with several other girls and there was a bathroom we shared with another bedroom of girls. It was one of many cabins, housed by girls and, separately, boys. Judy, on the other hand, being younger, slept in the house – where, I imagine, grown-ups lived.

On the one night that everyone was going to be sleeping outside, both Judy and I were kept inside. I have a feeling I was at fault for some reason, though I can’t remember what it was.

What I can remember is what was the highlight of the whole week (or was it two?j, the HAYRIDE!

Everyone was on top of a huge pile of hay in a BIG cart pulled by a car or truck, (this was in America around 1954). I imagine there was some singing going on but the hayride is only a very distant memory. Maybe if I had pictures in my head, it would be clearer but I have aphantasia and probably was born this way.

People often ask me, if I don’t have pictures in my head, how can I remember anything. I don’t know! My memories go back about 76 years or so (I really don’t remember things much before I was five years old.) I know that some of my memories are not things I actually remember but have been told or have seen a photo with me in.

My mother told me that one morning, when I was very young, maybe two, I somehow opened the front door and walked out into the snow and was found by a neighbour and taken home where my mother and father were still asleep! This I don’t remember but I do remember being told it.

Something I do remember is that my mother had a station wagon with wooden trim. I can imagine what it looked like but I have no picture of it in my head.

I remember we had a cat called Coco when we lived in Cincinnati. Our house was on a hill and to get to the road we had to walk down 30 or so steps. One day I opened the front door and Coco ran out of the house, down the steps, across the street and hid under our car. I remember standing on the top step, watching her and wondering what I should do. Cars drove by and she stayed under our car. I thought she would be okay because she seemed to know, I thought, that running back home would be dangerous when a car went by. Maybe she did but what she didn’t know was that when a truck went by, it was not safe because that’s when she chose to try to get home. With no pictures in my head, I can’t see her poor, dead body and I have no idea if Mommy or Bill went and picked her up. I think they must have but I just don’t know.

Sitting here, thinking about how I remember things, what I can say is that it’s in words in my brain, or it’s translated into words by my brain….it’s all very complicated!

If you are interested in this lack, do what I do when I want to know more about something – go to Google and type in APHANTASIA and have a look at the quite a few articles on there.

If you want to find out how I found out I’m different, have a look at my earlier posts, there are several where I write about finding out. Apparently, it’s genetic; sadly I can’t ask my dad as he died long ago. I do know that some of my siblings have it but I also am pretty certain that Judy didn’t. She day-dreamed long, complex stories when she was sitting in a class, bored by whatever the teachers were trying to teach her. And, I remember, Judy saw ghosts! Whether seeing ghosts depends on being able to see pictures in your head, I don’t know. I’ve never seen a ghost, but twice, in the 13th century house I lived in, actual physical things were thrown across the room when the only person in the room was me! (I think I’ve written about that in an earlier post, as well.)

As for actually camping, I’m a bit too old to contemplate it now and I really don’t think I’ve missed much!